“You will never know me, you are lost and scared” The mind of the introvert has been under attack for not being social enough. Always having to be asked, “Why are you by yourself?”, “Do you even like me?”, “Are you lonely or depressed?” By shallow people who lack an understanding of human nature. So instead of explaining yourself you just say, “This is just who I am” because you’re simply tired of explaining yourself.
Not too many people think outside of the box because they are trapped inside the box. They are constantly thinking about immature thoughts like their physical appearance (clothes, makeup, haircuts) to gain the validation of others. Meanwhile, there’s me simply distancing myself from others that fear their true selves. And who said high school doesn’t teach you anything about life.
My sophomore year in high school really woke me up to how the world really is. Our school wanted to get more involved with their student’s lives. (Social life, depression, anxiety, homelife, etc.) Therefore, once a month we had to endure these Group consoling therapy type sessions with our homeroom classrooms. During one session, we had to discuss our midterm grades with our teacher. One by one we were being called. No one really focused on the topic that day because we were all too busy wondering who was struggling or succeeding academically.
Eventually, my name was called and I walked out of the room with the teacher. We both sat down in our respective chairs with a desk in between us. Mind you, I didn’t focus on a word he said because all of my attention was focused on what the other students were saying about me.
Back then, I had a lot of troubles with fitting in with people because I just lacked basic social interaction skills.
That year, I was depressed because I couldn’t understand why I didn’t have many friends. Therefore, that day it was pretty disheartening to hear students talking about me behind my back about how I had, “No emotions”, how I was a “weirdo”, and being called a “pyscho.” The sound of laughter and ridicule really hurt that day. To make matters worse, no one in the room came to my defense. Not even the mediators running the group said anything either. They just let it happen.
As I reentered the room to sit back in my chair, I crossed my arms, showed an expressionless face and suffered in silence. That day, I wanted to be understood. I wanted to be liked. But I realized it wasn’t going to happen.
At that point, I stopped trying so hard to fit in. I spoke my mind with no intention of apologizing because I couldn’t fake who I was anymore. I’m not going to fit in with everyone and I simply don’t have to.
A lot of people love to try and change you because they don’t understand you. In most instances, they won’t even try to get to know you. They will just entertain, “he said she said” rumors about you and act as if they are true. I don’t analyze people as much as I used to. Life is just better being around people who don’t jump to conclusions. But instead, try to get to know people and let the conversation flow naturally. A judgemental lens can only work for so long. How about an understanding? That’s what most people want anyway, just an understanding.