A False Confidence

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my triumphs and downfalls to better myself daily. I’m learning that I haven’t been the most confident person when I was younger. At first, I wasn’t sure as to why this was. Now, I realize, it’s because I’ve been so afraid to shine. So many times when the light shined so bright on me I would hide because of my own insecurities which caused me to drink excessively. I told myself, “This isn’t that much alcohol!” To hide face from my “friends” The morning’s suite to well and I knew I wasn’t going to make any progress continuing this lifestyle.

For years, I’ve tried drinking my insecurities away but they never disappeared. As I’m out in public, I find that many people feel this way as well. Therefore, it’s important to take a step back and remind yourself, “I’m fine, I don’t need a drink as bad as I think I do!” The tradition is a beer after work, a drink at a gathering, or a toast of wine for accomplishments. That’s a tradition, however, we all know someone who doesn’t have just one drink! As for as this is the “norm” it doesn’t have to be. You are free to not engage in alcohol if you choose not to.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been trying to figure out, “Why the hell I don’t want to drink anymore? Or how to tell people I don’t drink anymore without coming across as judgmental?” Well, I have the honest answer, it’s because I’m tired of needing a detrimental liquid substance to fit in with everybody. I’m getting older and I believe alcohol has made me so afraid to just talk without overthinking everything. It’s been a rough couple of months but it’s well worth it. A rapper named Earl Sweatshirt once said, “Too black for the white kids and too white for the blacks.” That’s the story of my life as a black suburban kid. How much alcohol is too much for white culture or black culture? I don’t have the answer for everyone but mine, is none.

In summary, no longer should you and I have to suffer from alcohol. I’m not going out in public clinging onto alcohol just because I’m slightly uncomfortable, insecure, or I’m dying fit in. Now, I will relax and say, “I’m good”. It’s time to be an organic version of myself, no more processed bullshit. Never let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. Certain people tend to project their insecurity onto you with comments such as, “Why aren’t you drinking?”, “Come on, have another drink?”, “You are so much more fun when you’re drunk, and I like it when you get drunk.” Do not take the bait. Choosing to give up alcohol is not a death sentence, it’ss merely a good and wise choice. Be confident in yourself and don’t cling to drugs or alcohol because whether you like it or not, not everybody wants to be around you or likes you.

Follow Caleb Harris:




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.