Our world is becoming completely shallow that I’m not even shocked anymore. Instead of blaming ourselves we’ve resorted to blaming one another. We hide behind that sad excuse whenever someone call us out. All we have to say for ourselves is, “OMG, why you are being so emotional for?” When we both know we’re just gaslighting the situation because we are afraid to take personal responsibility.
Both genders are overly promiscuous because they’re unsure on what their looking for, afraid of commitment, and most importantly, afraid of themselves. Living in fear will never get you anywhere in this world. This blog was never meant to make you feel good about yourself but not to hate yourself either. It’s simply on observation on how your personal demons that you’ve been hiding have come to play and why that is.
If you are like me you’ve done a lot of things that you aren’t proud of. You’ve been the clubber, bar hopper, the womanizer, and the fake intellectual. You continued down the rabbit hole, why? Because you were afraid that if you really revealed who you really were, people wouldn’t understand you and end up leaving you.
Datings apps these days don’t even mean anything. Yeah you, I’m talking to you. I know you’ve been scrolling on your phone swiping right on Tinder looking for the right one! You’ve told yourself numerous times, “I’m so tired of Tinder and all these stupid dating apps. One day I’m going to just delete them.” However, you and I both know the uncomfortable truth. You aren’t deleting that app anytime soon because crave the attention too much from strangers.
So you pick up your phone to see how many matches you got. You pick the “lucky one” out of the bunch and the both of you continue to make awkward but casual conversation. Afterward, the both of you eventually agree to meet up. The “date” goes by very well and the both of find that you have a lot in common. Therefore, the both of you agree to hook up for the night.
This is where things become awkward. You know, when you ask yourself, “Is she/he really into me or does she just want me temporarily? Should I hookup with someone else so I don’t get attached? Should I tell her/him how I really feel about her?
So instead of just telling them how you feel you either continue to hook up and eventually ghost them. The dire consequences of this is that your heart starts to turn black. Instead of just having that conversation and just telling them how you feel, the both of you just have sex to “not complicate things”. I’ve seen so many people in favor of hookup culture. Oftentimes, the argument is, “Hookups are okay but you need to let your partner know that you’re not looking for a relationship.” However, what I’ve learned is that people often lie. People will say they’re not looking for a relationship but when your feelings are getting deeper with every touch it becomes harder to maintain the thought of, “I just want to hook up.”
One of my hookups was a rebound option. Yes, I was 100% guilty of using this girl but atleast I learned my lesson (Judge me later). After things didn’t go well with a lovely lady I meet in 2018 of January, I decided I wasn’t going to let another women hurt me ever again. So instead of taking time for myself I just decided to enter hookup culture.
A couple of weeks later, I met my new hookup buddy and I told her, “I’m not looking for anything serious are you cool with that?” She told me to my face, “That’s cool. I’m not either.” Of course she was lying. However, I was lying to myself. I never wanted this girl at all and I really tried to convince myself that I wasn’t using her but I was. I got mad one day when she didn’t want to hookup up with me so I told her, “Don’t talk to me again”. She replied with a “thumbs up emoji”.
If you’ve read any of my previous blogs you’d know that I used to have an addiction to alcohol. However, I’ve also had a really bad addiction to lust. Since I’ve been sober and in deep contemplation due to rona 2020 I’ve been thinking, “Has hookup culture really helped anybody because it really seems like we’re bullshitting ourselves?” I’m sure we all want to be loved and accepted by just one person no matter what our gender is.
I hear it all the time, Women ain’t shit, men ain’t shit and the cycle continues. I used to be on that train myself but I had to have an uncomfortable talk with myself, “Am I really a good person of morals and principles because all I do is run away from commitment? Sure, I’m now getting the attention of women and our encounters are sometimes fun. However, why is it that I always look at the wall with an expressionless face after we’re done having sex? Why do I keep swiping right on Tinder, sliding into the DM’s, and only viewing women as sex objects? I mean, at the end of the day I’m just hypocrite too chicken shit to admit it right?”
After having this conversation with myself back around November of 2020, I decided enough was enough because I’m tired of causing so many problems for myself. Therefore, I made the decision to give up sex right now. Let’s be clear. I’m not giving up sex because I’m disgusted by it or even because I’m saving myself for marriage. It’s pretty simple actually. I just don’t feel any fulfillment in hooking with random women for temporary pleasure anymore. I don’t feel right about so I’m going to remain to myself and just be me.
For anyone who broke up with hookup culture and is trying to find their joyful self again I’m here to tell you, it’s an uncomfortable journey to take. The worst addiction is lust. Lust has a tight grip on you that you just can’t let go. However, hookup culture will never allow you to leave. Your dopamine levels will continue to spike every time you’ve exchanged energies with the wrong one. You will become addicted and you will always install and reinstall tinder because you are addicted to pleasure. You need to find yourself because if you don’t you’ll never know what you want and you’ll continue hurt others, and even yourself.
I view it like this. Would you rather walk down a road where you can find solutions to your problems or would you want to continue to suffer in silence doing things you know are wrong because your afraid to confront your inner demons? As always, the choice is yours but I’m pretty sure you know what to do!