Being called sensitive as a man is a death sentence because our culture implies that if you aren’t the beer drinking champion among your peers, can lift heavy weights twice your size, and have sex with multiple women that you aren’t an “Alpha” male, you’re simply a “Beta” male. When I was younger I’d often gravitate towards popular film icons such as Tyler Durden, (Fight Club), Mike Damone, (Fast Time at Ridgemont High), and Dolemite (Rudy Ray Moore) because they were REAL men. They didn’t cry all the time or watch Twilight and The Notebook. Nah. They’d punch you in the face, never cry, and carried themselves in a stoic manner which I thought was so cool. However, now that I’m older, I’m starting to realize this behavior is outdated.
Don’t get me wrong being a man is a beautiful thing. I believe a man should work hard, take responsibility for his own actions, lead by example, lift weights and educate himself. Plato refers to men as being scholar athletes which means you need to be a man of thought and action. The problem with our society is that we’ve pushed men to be either needy or emotionless. Which has resulted in more emasculated men in our society who complain about everything and hide behind a woman or his buddies. Which leaves this man either never wanting to try anything different, having unsuccessful relationships or friendships, and most likely never leaving his parents house. However, the opposite isn’t the answer either, which is a man who bottles up his emotions, finesse multiple women, takes various drugs to “find himself”, and drinks like a fish to numb the pain. Now due to heavy sedation this man physically can’t cry, isolates himself from the entire world, and ultimately, contemplates suicide or falls into a deep depression.Neither option gives men a particular solution so we’re stuck with the dreaded question, “How do I express my emotions without losing the respect of others?”
Well, balance is key in life. The old me was a victim of never crying,, showing any emotions, and trying to be as manly as possible because I wanted to be respected by my fellow man. Now I just cringe at when I’d tell other young men I’d play basketball with on the basketball court, “Suck it up and quit being a little pussy! You’re a man so act like it!” Wow was I lost and taking pick up b-ball too damn seriously!
Even though I’m not that guy anymore I still have issues showing my emotions. There are certain people that I can never be vulnerable around because of their snake like behavior. When you’re a man you can just tell when another man doesn’t like you because he just avoids you. It could be as petty as him leaving the room as soon as you arrive or him refusing to talk because your presence outright disgusts him. Which doesn’t shock me in the slightest! However, what does shock me is when women say, “You’re too sensitive! Quit whining like a little girl!”
I’ve noticed this a lot and I’m not going to ignore it any longer. Many women have accused men of being overly sensitive just because he told her what was going on in his life. However, she’ll act really surprised when he doesn’t show her any emotions. It’s funny how a lot of women don’t understand that calling a man, “too or extremely sensitive” makes him feel like less of a man. Let me give you my perspective to give you a clearer picture.
I was called “too sensitive” by women before when I was younger and it just pissed me off. I couldn’t believe it because here I was opening up and being “vulnerable” only to be shamed for keeping it real. In my mind I’d tell myself, “This is only one girl who thinks like this Caleb. This will not be every woman you meet!!” But I couldn’t shake it so I convinced myself that every woman is like this. Therefore, when I’d hook up with women I vowed to never tell them anything because, what’s the point right? She doesn’t care about me and showing your emotions makes you a beta male. I hate the terms Alpha and Beta because they’re just social constructs. In this world there are just men and boys. The men play chess and the boys play checkers. Simple as that!
After watching so many YouTube commentaries on manhood which I agree/disagree with I now understand this: If a woman can’t accept you for having any emotions, cut her loose. A man is supposed to tell his woman what’s going on and that stays between him and his woman. Nobody else. Since many men don’t feel comfortable talking to their woman they bottle up their emotions and eventually explode. As a man you can’t have a successful relationship if you can’t communicate with your woman. It’s not beta to tell her what’s going on but if she constantly makes you like less of a man for telling her your problems you must leave. A man realizes this woman is not for me and I must leave her. I tried to work it out with her but she’s not the one. On the other hand, Boys stick around because they enjoy the sex or they don’t really value themselves.
Furthermore, ladies if you are guilty of doing this please stop! That man is not going to tell you any of his problems because you deem him as weaker than you. Men already have a problem verbalizing what’s wrong with them to anybody because many lack proper coping mechanisms. You telling a man he’s too sensitive is just adding more fuel to the flame and once it explodes, you better run!
In conclusion, being a sensitive man has to come with practice. It’s not an overnight process. NO, I’m not implying that you should be an overly emotional man who can’t handle life. These weak men are the following:
- They cry or on the internet about everything for attention instead of ignoring the trolls
- Whine about their current circumstances instead of taking personal accountability and implementing an action plan
- Pick fights with others all of the time whenever they had too much to drink
- Never stand up for what they believe in because they want everyone to like them
A man should always be ready to handle what life throws at him. When he fails or needs someone to talk to, he knows who to go to in his time of need whether it’s his father, grandfather, therapist, or teacher and he’ll rally on for the next day to come. If you ever encounter anyone that makes you feel or tries to imply that you’re less of a man because of the way you think or carry yourself either talk it out or walk away. Many people have contradicting views and unanswered questions about manhood because their childhood consisted of men who never expressed themselves in fear of being called too sensitive.
Well in 2021, I’m here to tell you, men, being able to express who you truly are is a great part of manhood. There is no need to blame your father, uncle, or that male adult figure for pushing you too hard because they really meant well. It’s not their fault you subconsciously rid yourself of having any emotions because of your upbringing. Back then it was a different age and male vulnerability meant you were a sissy! However, this is simply a different time. You can no longer get away with retreating to your painfully loud thoughts you refuse to say out loud to anyone. Aren’t you tired of constantly contemplating , “Am I a man if I show my emotions or am I acting like a little girl?” I’m here to tell you to let go of the pain you’ve harbored in your heart and forgive the men who taught you this outdated way of “manhood”. Talk to the ones you trust and constantly work on it daily. It doesn’t make you less of a man to have emotions. It makes you a human being. And human is something we all need to get back to being!
My thoughts on hookup culture: https://unpopularopinionsdots.com/2020/11/16/cuffing-season-is-ridiculous/