These past 2 years or so have been pretty interesting to say the least. I’ve quit drinking, smoking, gave up sex, and even my bed. I’ve made some money and lost money. I made some friends and lost some friends. I had multiple women around me now I do not have any. So what I’m trying to say here is that everything does not last forever. In order to progress in life you have to make changes and with that, you will face backlash.
A couple of years back I was a big clubber who enjoyed the pleasure of having another woman’s touch. Boy was that my weakness. I’d always push the envelope to see how far I could go every time. My thoughts were always racing thinking, “How can I get her to come home with me and fulfill my horny desires?” It took me a lot of soul searching but I had to realize I never loved any of these women, I just lusted after them. Which was very problematic.
The funny thing about it is even when I left the club scene, cleaned up my act, became more productive, and accumulated more resources and surrounded myself with more like-minded people, I still have to face temptations every single day. Here I was being naive thinking that if I just get my life together that my life would change for the better. Although that’s partially true, I often struggle with thinking that I’m just a bore who overthinks everything!
For example, about a year ago I was on IG (instagram) just posting my regular content like I always do. I go to check my notifications and I see that an old fling of mine is now following me. My jaw dropped in astonishment because I was pretty sure I blocked this woman on FB (Facebook), blocked her number, and overall, just stopped talking to her for at least 6 months. “Why can’t she just take the hint?” I asked myself. So I had to make a decision. Do I break my abstinence for a potential fling or stay on my grind and not give into temptation.
For three days a demon and an angel tried to console me. Around this time my christian faith was lukewarm, which left me feeling discombobulated. If this were a film the dialogue would be as follows. Let’s leave reality for a minute shall we:
Come on Caleb, one last time won’t hurt you. Besides, it just sex. Hit it one last time and you’ll be done with it. You ain’t gotta’ explain yourself to anybody. Just keep it on the wraps. Besides, after you hit it again just ghost her. If she gets hurt that’s her problem. She’s a big girl and she’ll be able to handle it. Quit overthinking it with yo’ scary self and slide into her DM.
Caleb, we’ve come a long way. A very long way from the club life, pornography, casual sex, and entertaining the wrong women. This is just another test. What you are going through is a soul tie. It will not be easy to break but you must not talk to her and block her immediately. You got yourself into this and now you must find your way out. Continue to meditate and pray on the word of God and sooner or later, you’ll be fine.
I’m not too sure what to do right now. Should I listen to my angel or my personal demon. I mean it has been a while. Like a whole year. And a whole year is a long time!
Caleb sits in his room in deep contemplation thinking about what he’s going to do next.
Okay, back to reality. After the third day I decided to take the side of good. I blocked this woman not to be mean, rude, vindictive, or to demonize her. But I knew we didn’t have any business being together, it was just a temporary fling. I haven’t talked to her since because I’ve learned from my own personal experiences it’s best to say less, or nothing at all.
Now since I know better I don’t approach or even talk to a woman in any kind of sexual manner. I know many of you will say this is corny and not manly, but I don’t care. I’m trying to guard myself at all times. If the feeling is mutual and there is a genuine connection I am willing to pursue it. However, if me and this lady having nothing to offer one another but sex then I have to keep it moving. 1 Corinthians 13:11 states, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” In translation, I must think as a man and men exercise good judgment. They leave the past behind and focus on the present and their promising future.
In conclusion, being good is never an easy task because the devil’s favorite demons are always lurking around. Waiting for you to slip up, whispering sweet nothings, and distorting the truth. However, you must be strong. The war is spiritual and it’s a war you better be ready to fight. Keep your head up, pray, meditate, and surround yourself around the right people because that’s the only way you’ll win. If you don’t, expect to keep taking more L’s.