We try our best not to sin/ lie but it’s challenging. Honestly, many of us have been raised to do the right thing but our power struggles between our flesh and our spirit will make us ask, “Do I really believe in God?” Your walk with God isn’t easy, whether you believe in God or have a lukewarm relationship with Him, the devil will convince you that you do not know God. He’ll have you believe that sin is okay and you say, “I can do whatever I want, when I want, because only God can judge me!” However, ask yourself, can you even feel God’s judgment?
I am no stranger to sin. Just like Donnie Mcclurkin has once said, “We fall down.” This is where I’d finish the sentence by stating, “But we get up.” But the truth is I didn’t get back up. I laid around in my own sexual immorality. A couple of months ago I was faced with a really big decision to make. A woman I used to sleep around with followed my instagram page and honestly, I debated sleeping with her again.
As I sat there contemplating about going back to my old ways I began to tell myself the same ol’ lies I’ve always said such as:
- Well Caleb, if you just get it out of your system you can just go back to ghosting her. Besides it ain’t like she doesn’t want you!
- It’s just sex man God knows your heart so he will forgive you
- As long as you wear a condom what’s the big deal fam? Besides it ain’t your problem if she can’t understand you ain’t trying to be tied down.
- The word of God is just that, words. Adam still had a good life even though he bit the forbidden apple and even though Samson lost his hair he still turned out aite.
The lies we tell ourselves right! Well, after sleeping on it the next day I blocked her. This wasn’t to be rude or self-righteous but I knew I had to put my foot down. Hooking up for me has always been a huge stress reliever but it’s not the answer anymore. In the book of Corinthians it says “Flee from temptation” but now I realize why it’s so hard to resist temptation. Like any addiction, rather it’s food, drugs, sex, or alcohol you are looking for a release from day-to-day problems such as you’re stressed out because your job isn’t paying you enough, your boss is just a jerk, your family is sick, and your friends and family don’t mess with you anymore which causes you to feel alone.
Whenever an addict feels alone he/she will make very irrational decisions. Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with in the past and sometimes still do. Since I lived a life of sexual immorality I developed unhealthy soul ties with past ladies I slept with because none of them were my wife. In my mind, tying down to any woman for the rest of my life or keeping my dick in my pants seemed impossible. However, the Holy spirit convicted me.
As I was reading the Bible, listening Christian Youtubers and sermons I realized I have to change my wicked ways. No drinks, drugs, or sex will fill this void in my heart, only God will.
The loneliness you feel can be fixed but you must reach out to God. Today I was in service (April 25th, 2021) and the Pastor discussed how we often feel ashamed to go to church since we are afraid of the Holy Spirit. Well, this was me! For years I’ve been lonely in my faith with God. Yes I’ve talked to Him but I never felt his presence the majority of the time. I felt He didn’t want to talk to me, maybe we don’t have anything to talk about, everybody in the church is judgmental, and they don’t want me there. It also didn’t help much that I just couldn’t relate to anyone in my church on a one-to-one level. However, I now realize it’s not all about having a church home it’s more about having an individual relationship with God so you can feel His presence more clearly!
In Christianity I have seen this for so long and it’s one of the reasons many Christians have checked out of the church, converted to spirituality, or worship other false gods. We get so involved in the church, binge watch certain influencers, and listen to TV pastors but most of us rarely sit down and talk to God ourselves. Whether it’s in our car, our house, or wherever. It’s great to get involved in the church but you can still feel lonely in God’s presence if you never talk to Him. Think about it, how can you or I feel God’s presence if we refuse to pray, fast, or even read the Bible? Short answer: We can’t.
The moment you confess and the moment you repent that’s when you can truly be healed. On April 24, 2021 I gave my life to Christ again. I was among st some great men in CT and we discussed how to be better men of God. I felt so ashamed because I didn’t have many brothers in Christ to talk to. Which yet again, made me feel alone. Instead of being my old judgmental self I decided to let these brothers know who I am and I just broke down. With my family being sick and my job stressing me out I cried out to them, “I don’t know what’s going on anymore!” These men welcomed me with open arms which was everything to me.
I say all of this to inform you that when you walk with God it’s not a Disney, Hallmark, or Lifetime film; it’s a serious walk that will bear some suffering. However, our God is an awesome God and I promise you if you continue to pray, fast, seek therapy,counseling, and talk to your brothers and sisters of Christ, your inner burdens will fade away in due time. You will hear God’s voice so much clearer which in return will give you a sharper mind and more mental clarity. The world makes many empty promises but it will never guarantee real authentic happiness.
Therefore, do not worship the men or women of the world because you will always suffer. Instead, worship God and make time to read the Bible everyday and praise his name for the little and big things. On April 24th, 2021 I will continue to remind myself I am not alone, I am amongst believers. But I cannot isolate myself. I must reach out because no one can read my mind. If you have struggled with loneliness because you haven’t received the love of your parents, your friends or your family no longer talk to you, you’ve been abused, abandoned, or whatever the case may be, isolation is what the devil wants. Once you step on the battlefield with God you are among believers and they fill pick up whenever you fall every single time. God bless!
Last week’s blog: https://unpopularopinionsdots.com/2021/04/19/i-just-want-to-be-pure/