Being a single man of God is not easy. As a single man of God myself, I’m advising you to focus on your purpose over your pleasure, work on yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually, and date/court with the intentions of marriage. Do not be of the world and chase women the rest of your life because you create multiple soul ties with various women and a hole will remain in your heart.
Now what is a soul tie? According to compellingtruth.com, “A “soul tie” is a mystical bond between two people. The phrase is used to describe love at first sight or an obsession that is so strong it feels like two souls are entwined. The concept is also used to justify an ungodly relationship.” Soul ties will unknowingly have you flirting with Biblical Christianity and Cultural Christianity. And since you are lukewarm in your faith you can’t hear God’s voice very well.
Right now I’m reading “Man in the Mirror” by Patrick M. Morley. In Chpt. 3 he discusses Biblical Christianity and Cultural Christianity from a very interesting perspective. First, Biblical Christianity means that you are a Christian who does not live by your own ideas, but by penetrating understanding and applying the Word of God.” Therefore, if you are in this category it will be a lot easier for you to understand the battle you are up against everyday. You truly understand that this is not an easy task and it requires daily prayer, discipline, a community, fellowship, and much needed time with the Word of God. If not, you will not succeed.
On the other hand, Cultural Christianity means pursuing the God we want instead of the God He is. Revelation 3:15-16 (ESV) reads “I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.” You have to choose a side. God is not supposed to cater to your worldly desires. Which is why oftentimes you’ll see many Christian men complaining about why they can’t find the woman of their dreams. Sure it may be that it’s not your time yet or you just don’t have any game with women (which is something you need to work on).
However, the flip side is your lukewarm when it comes to sexual sin. In the book Every Man’s Battle, authors Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker discuss the ego of a man. In summary, they discussed how our egos get in the way of God and conflict our inner masculinity when it pertains to treating women. We know that the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” But our egos will tell us sweet lies such as:
There’s nothing wrong with checking out other women. I’m not married yet.
Well I can have sex but as long as I’m in a relationship I’m fine.
When I get older I’ll stop. I just need to get it out of my system.
Sexual purity pertains to women not men. It’s in our nature to spread our seed.
If you fall into this category your battle will become more difficult if you do not repent and follow God’s way.
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not telling you to never date anybody. Or even worse, bring your parents to all of your dates (Seriously, do not do that because that woman will never talk to you again!) However, it’s best to date with the intention of marriage. You must rid yourself of this worldly mentality that all women are the same because they’re not. Yes, there are lukewarm women of God in this world. However, that is not an excuse to just sleep around and be immoral. When dating a woman keep this in the back of your mind:
Is she a woman of God?
Does she worship gods?
How does she react when she’s stressed out or just going through a rough patch in life?
Will she submit to me and be my helpmate?
In a year of dating/courting all of these questions should be clearly answered. If you still don’t feel right about hair cut your losses because men of God aren’t here to play any games. You can’t afford to waste your time with a wishy washy woman who simply isn’t ready for marriage or anything serious. So think with your BIG head instead of your LITTLE head. But don’t condemn her, instead, just pray for her because she needs to find God for herself.
Now, let’s talk about marriage. The battle is real for men when it comes to getting married. It’s a calculated chess move and if you make the wrong move, well, you’re screwed. Which is why I discussed earlier about not creating soul ties with multiple women. In the back of your mind the devil will try to pull you away and tell you, “She’s not the one.” or “She’s just going to divorce you anyway!”
Look, I understand the reservations of marriage and understand that in America divorce is at an all time high. It also doesn’t help when we as men see situations like Ayesha and Steph Curry, Jada and Will Smith, and Dr. Dre and his wife on display for the world to see. The average thinking man will say, “See Caleb, they’re going through hell right now and you’re trying to tell me that I should get married. You trippin’!” Well I am going to say this.We as men have to look in the mirror and ask ourselves the following before marriage:
Do I have a woman of God?
Does she compliment my lifestyle?
Have I conquered my womanizing ways?
Do I still look at pornography?
Do I still engage in masturbation?
If you’ve answered these questions correctly and you’ve been with this woman for a year or so. You have a decision to make. You can’t just keep leading this woman on the string telling yourself, “I’ll give it another year!” because the truth is this, there’s something holding YOU back. It’s not always the woman’s fault fellas. It’s not always she changed up and she’s not the same person, sometimes it’s just YOU. No man can have a successful marriage if he has not answered any of these five questions properly. At times we ignore these questions and also, forget that other people are still married right now but the media doesn’t show it because it doesn’t fit the narrative. Which is why you need to talk to regular people instead of consuming the internet all day and night.
Taking your time in your single season by facing your mental, physical and spiritual issues I believe is a must. For example, Actor Terry Crews suffered from a terrible porn addiction. Which proves that even Hollywood actors have problems as well. Everyone in Hollywood is not perfect. Majority of them do what they know and that’s acting! However, Crews’ personal demons were torturing him and his lovely wife. Crews’ had a decision to make. He could either keep hurting his wife or he could change. By the grace of God he changed. Now his wife and him are still married but this is what happens to us men when we do not conquer our sexual sins and take a hard look in the mirror. We bring our unresolved issues into our marriage.
All of us as Christian men have screwed up. The media loves to paint Christian men as the devil as if we are God, but we are not. We are sinners and when we sin we repent. As a single man of God remember that you have a second chance because Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. Yes, you will be tempted but you are a warrior and warriors fight. Warriors don’t whine and say, “This is too hard. I just can’t do it!” They get back up every single time and fight again. Embrace this process and be what God created you to be in His image. Don’t let the naysayers, the devil, or anybody else tell you that you’re not worthy because you are. You just have to embrace the light and escape the darkness.
Terry Crews addiction: