A Musing on Abstinence

by Britani Doulos

The other day I was spending time with a sweet sister and we got on the topic of singleness and sex. She told me about a statement a pastor made during a sermon series when she was looking for a church shortly after moving here to Atlanta. . 

“To live holy and pure in singleness in this culture is an example of the power and work of Holy Spirit.”

  For those of us who have been walking this abstinence journey for quite some time, we know it’s no joke! As we get older, our hormones are raging, our godly dating options get smaller (not extinct), our desire for marriage gets stronger, and we sometimes wonder if this will come to an end. 

    Abstinence is not a popular or celebrated thing in our culture. Even in the church, some do not still believe God calls all to live holy and pure lives and those who are unmarried are to be abstinent. But He does And He cares about our sex lives and what we do woth our bodies. 

  Now, abstinence is not to be confused with celibacy. Celibacy refers to someone who is abstaining from marriage AND sexual relations. So, to avoid confusion, it will be helpful for us to use these terms correctly. 

    If you’re abstinent until you are married, why are you abstaining? Is it… because that’s what you were taught growing up? Out of fear? Because you think God will reward you with a husband or wife for it? Have you really thought about why you’re abstaining from all sexual activity? The only answer should be, “for God’s glory and to honor Him.” 

   Sex is good. Sex is beautiful. Sex is wonderful! God made sex for His glory and for the covenant of marriage. But sex is never to be idolized or put on a pedestal. One day, everything will fade away and only what is done for Christ will matter. 

    If you do marry one day, your spouse will reap the benefits of the faithfulness you were already living for the Lord in your singleness, but don’t think your abstinence will bring you a spouse or score points with God.  Commit your mind, body, soul, and life to the Lord because you love Him, not because you are trying to get something from Him. 

God loves and cares for you and He is not blind or deaf to your desires for sexual intimacy. Trust that His timing is perfect and He will help you to steward your life for Him as you commit your ways to Him whether you marry one day or not.

Britani writes for her own personal blog at: http://www.haveaseat.blog where she discusses God & theology, sex & sexuality, mind, body, and soul wellness, cultural conversations & evangelism, cultivating healthy relationships, singleness & dating from my perspective as a Black Christian woman. Make sure you check her blog and stay connected with her! Have a blessed day everyone!

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