Are there issues you aren’t discussing?

Drake once said in his song Too Much, “There are issues at hand that we’re not discussing.” That hit deep for me! Obviously right now is a rough patch in my life but I can’t ignore the elephant in the room families discuss and question when death comes to their front door. Questions such as:

  • Did I reconcile with my family member?
  • Does my family member still hate me?
  • Did my family member give their life to Christ?
  • Did my family member forgive me when I said, “I hate you! I never want to talk to you again. You’re dead to me!” In a pit of rage due to a miscommunication.

Death will either make your family stronger or they will disintegrate. Be prepared for certain family members to act funny towards you, act passive-aggressive around you, or overall, just ignore you or say things that just should’ve remained undisclosed. That’s life and people are wacko bruh!

If you’ve ever been in this situation before it’s devastating. The last thing you’re worried about is celebrations, flowers, banquets, types of funeral homes, fancy suits, expenses, etc. you just want your deceased family member to have peace in heaven and the rest of the family to love one another instead of passively avoiding one another or only getting together when someone dies. 

As the black sheep of this family, I am FULLY AWARE that my family has issues that we are not discussing. We are sweeping it under the rug, we are pretending it’s not that bad, we’re cherry-picking scripture, our faith is lukewarm, we’re saying we’ll pray but we don’t, we say we’ll be the better man or woman but remain petty and immature stating, “They have to do this before I forgive them.” Instead of turning to the good book which says in Mark 11:25, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

I did something I thought I’d never do, which was to forgive my father and start a relationship with him on October 30th (a day after mom passed). One day I was watching “He Got Game” which is a film about how Jake (Denzel Washington) killed his son Jesus’ (Ray Allen) mother in an intoxicated rage. Their relationship never recovered fully, however, Jake was released from prison to convince his son to go to Big State University for a full athletic basketball scholarship. Jesus was very apprehensive and of course thought everyone, including his father, wanted a piece of the newfound wealth he was about to receive. Therefore, this caused a great deal of anxiety and paranoia in Jesus.

Towards the end of the film, the two played one and one where Jesus was victorious 11-5. You’d think Jesus would be happy because since he won he wouldn’t have to go to Big State and his father would go back to jail. But Jesus was miserable. Why? Because when we don’t forgive and discuss our issues we remain in pain. God would not want us to harbor hatred. He would want us to find it in our hearts to forgive. 

With that being said, I called my dad on the phone and told him what happened. He was shocked of course but we both decided to forgive one another and put the past behind us. Friend I was just like you saying, “My dad has to do this in order to be forgiven!” Now I don’t need that. I don’t want to be on my deathbed knowing I had hatred, animosity, or any issues left undiscussed just because I refuse to forgive somebody. No one is perfect but Jesus. You and I will never be. I don’t even know where dad and I go from here but I know that’s my dad. I love him dearly and I’m willing to make this work!

What about you, friend? Are there issues you aren’t discussing with your mother, father, uncle, cousin, nephew, etc. or are you going to do what other people do such as fake your smile, hide behind sarcasm, or even worse, ignore the issues and act like the accuser is lying when deep down inside you know the truth. Will you forgive or harbor hatred?

Lastly, I’d strongly encourage you all to talk more. Life is too short and I know better than anybody there’s not much time left. I’m just thankful that my mom got to talk and we were on good terms before she left this earth. I just hope you achieve that same peace as well!

He Got Game:

Last week’s blog:

My book “Suffering in Silence: August 15th, 2003”:


Instagram: calebhatescake

Snapchat: calebneverlies

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