That time I got cut off…

In the past I’ve talked alot about cutting people off but I never talked about the time I was cut off. Yes, you read the correctly. I was toxic and lazy blaming everybody instead of taking accountability. Hopefully I’ll get your attention this week because I feel you and I tend to drift around this time of year. And overall, because of covid, deaths, etc. we ain’t really trying to hear God these days..

I remember it very vividly. Senior year in college we had a tailgate party at the football field. Per usual, ya’ boy just had too many drinks because I couldn’t control myself. Suddenly, I bumped into one guy I used to hang out with my freshman year. Him and I drifted apart because he was trying to be successful and I was too busy trying to be a kid and run away from everything. I respected this but at the time I didn’t think this conversation between us would even take place.

Our conversation was short but went like this:

Old friend: Hey bro, good seeing you. What you been up to?
Me: Same ol’, same ol’.
Old friend: Same ol’ huh?
Me: Yeah.
Old friend: So what’s up you find an internship yet?
Me: Nah, not yet.

At this point the conversation just felt odd. I can’t explain in words but I felt my presence just made him feel really uncomfortable.

Old friend: Yo, I’ll be back but it was good seeing you though.

After that, he never came back. Back then I was bitter and cursed his name 
because I didn’t understand that in order to grow you gotta’ level up and leave the hesitant and scary ones behind. Truth be told I just wanted to drink and not advance in life. I wasn’t motivated like I now. Since I didn’t ball anymore I saw no point of even trying anymore.

Now that I’m sober I’ve realized that this needed to happen. I take it as a harsh lesson but a good kick in the butt nevertheless. Sometimes you gotta drop your ego and say, “Yeah I’m the problem not everybody else.”

But before I even became sober and even gave my life to God I had to learn why it’s so easy to give into your flesh. The flesh has not been taught how to forgive. All it know is bitterness and resentment. The flesh will have you talking a big game saying. “Nah, everybody else is trippin’ but not me though.” But when you walk with God your holy spirit driven. Therefore, you’ll accept responsibility, pray and repent for your wrong doings.

Being cut off was a blessing in disguise because it really showed me that I needed God. Truth be told I didn’t know about Jesus fully.. Let me explain. I knew God exists and that He’s here with me and I’m never alone. But during my drinking days in college I didn’t pick up my cross and follow Him. Instead, I followed the world because God’s rules got in my way of “having fun.”

When the mind isn’t clear, how can the body and soul be clean? Since I wasn’t sober-minded I felt really filthy. But when I picked up my cross and followed Him, I gotta say I feel pretty clean right now.

Sobriety and God has been a real spiritual and physical combo that I’m glad for. If I continued living in my life in sin, I’d never stand in my truth. What about you friend? Has there been a time where you’ve been distant from God? Have you been “keeping  busy” to avoid responsibilty and answering His call?

I understand that these are hard and uncomfortable questions, but we need to answer them right now. I feel like we kid ourselves behind our smiles and never truly acknowledge our fears. Then, we blame God acting like it’s all His fault. However, let’s be real. most of us ain’t experiencing bad vibes from people. Nah, we just been watching too much Netflix, staying in our heads, and pretending like we got it all together instead of taking it all to God.. God wants to shape you into His image but you have to surrender and cut off your old self to really hear Him. But most of y’all aren’t trying to do that because you’d rather be comfortable living in yo’ flesh.

For more Christian and mental health content follow me:

IG: @calebhatescake
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