The old me is dead but I want to resurrect him. I want to go back to the guy who hung out in strip clubs, bars, smoked, drank, and lived in fornication because I feel like being a Christian is boring. This week I wrestled with these thoughts because I had to choose between being a man’s man or God’s man. Matthew 6:24 states, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
Ever since I was 10 I’ve struggled with lust and porn. In previous blogs, I’ve talked about it, but I never felt I shared the whole story because of 3 reasons.
1. I didn’t want to embarrass my family.
2. Since I’m sober and now 3 years now clean from drinking, my feelings and emotions are coming back.
3. Back to point two, I’m now remembering things in my life I have blocked out, and now, it’s hitting me REAL differently.
When mom died I knew I had to seek help. However, when I was talking to God I told Him, “God, I have no problem seeking help but I don’t know which one, group therapy, one-on-one therapy, counseling, what?” So I decided to try to celebrate recovery and an Overcomers group at a church.
For those that are unaware of this term, celebrate recovery is a recovery program aimed at all “hurts, habits, and hang-ups”, including but not exclusive to high anxiety; co-dependency; compulsive behaviors; x addiction; financial dysfunction; drug and alcohol addictions; and eating disorders.
Since I’ve been going to both I’ve decided to just be REAL. For years I’ve tried to act like nothing is wrong. Oftentimes, I question why my blog, “Unpopular Opinions” was created. But now I know! It’s to show people that even though I am a Man of God I still have my struggles. However, with God, I will overcome, not just stay in my rot of despair. In hopes of my confession another brave soul will confess and the cycle of suffering in silence will finally die a painful death!
Ever since I sought help I haven’t engaged in any form of sexually immoral behavior. The temptation to look at porn to ease the pain is no more. Driving in my car and thinking about going to the strip bar is no more. Hooking up with a random woman on a dating app or womanizing an ex-fling is no more.
I know that many of you are thinking that I am crazy for bearing my soul like this! Many of you men may think, “Caleb, you just ruined every chance you’ve had with getting a wife. Women don’t like this bro. You needa’ chill!” To that, I say you have your opinion and I have God’s truth that I follow daily because
Revelations 12:11 states, “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”
Furthermore, a man hides like the coward that he is. He does not know better and oftentimes, doesn’t want to. He likes, may even love, his mediocre life of work, sleep, eat, and repeat because he refuses personal inventory of his deceitful heart. His ego is out of control because he will not surrender to God, the one and only true King!
On the other hand, a Godly man will seek God. He will admit and drop to his knees that God is the Higher power, not another man or woman! He will stop saying he’s spiritual, following the law of attraction, opening his third eye, or any fake or silly spiritual trend because he knows that Romans 12:2, ESV states, “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Therefore, we just trust in Him, pray to Him, and He will help us.
We are bought by Christ. Therefore, what we do does not make sense to the world. A God’s man fights with God and the Word on His side. Unfortunately, the Man’s man continues to fight with his fists, only to get tired easily and punch the air in his own foolishness and desperation.
Caleb (not me Caleb Harris) is an example of God’s man. The spiritual meaning of “Caleb” means faithful, bold, and brave and that’s why I believe mom named me Caleb.
When I was reading, “Every man, God’s man” it discusses Caleb and how he stood his ground when the Israelites were directed by God to cross the Jordan and possess the Promised Land. Caleb’s friends found it impossible to conquer the land. God said it was possible but his friends were overwhelmed with the costs, sacrifices, giants, and overall, they weren’t being bold and were being scared.
But Caleb stood his ground and keep his faith. When others didn’t believe, he did because Caleb trusted God instead of man. Therefore, Caleb was one of two men to see the Promise Land.
That’s what a man of God does though. Even if He is unsure, scared, or uncertain He still walks by faith, not by sight. God’s men don’t make excuses they embrace solutions. They don’t say, “Not know God, I’m busy. How about tomorrow?”
Nah, God is calling each of His men to war! He is calling us to stop with the excuses and give in to His will! But will you? Will you keep making excuses and never seek help? Or will you answer His call?
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