Healing is scary..

Have you ever been afraid to make changes in your life because you’ll lose everybody? I have. Ever since I’ve been in celebrate recovery I’ve realized my battles with sexual immorality aren’t the problem, my self-confidence and lack of assertiveness are. Now that I understand this I have to do better.

When I was younger I internalized all of the abuse I went through as, “Don’t speak, just accept it”. However, this bleeds over into my adult life. When times got rough or I had to confront anything I just kept silent. Which resulted in being knee-deep in hookup culture, not keeping family or friends, and ultimately being scared of my potential.

I wrestled with God for many years. It took me a long time to understand, “Cast all anxiety unto Him.” (1 Peter 5:7) because I’ve always had an issue with understanding God will take care of everything. Since I’m bought by Christ (Galatians 3: 13-15) He is my heavenly father and I need to come to Him.

When my mom died I was lost. I didn’t know what I was going to do so I just decided to let God have His way. Now I’m 28 and I’m an educator, pursuing ministry, and trying to do the Lord’s work which is inspire others not to give up. However, take my pain and testify to His goodness.

Healing requires a lot of work that many of you are not willing to face. You know you are the problem but it’s easy to blame others because that’s what losers do. My healing process required me to understand I need to do better. I do not want to make excuses, I want to seek God and have Him direct my life because people are lost!

In conclusion, healing is the only way you’ll grow. If you refuse to heal you will never win and you will always feel like a loser. I know this may sound harsh but say hello to the bad guy. I can’t sit here and surround myself with others who want to be comfortable. I have to leave. When you’re growing others will not be able to come because they are afraid of change. Are you going to listen to God or people who live in fear?

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